I plucked some healthy lashes trying to get an ingrown one out. Sometimes trying to solve the nagging issues in my life seems to have similar results. Medicine worse than the cure and all. So bummed about Robin Williams, a really personal feeling grief for someone I do not know but have welcomed into my heart, in part because I’m scared that I’ll always feel hopeless and bleak no matter what I do to “improve” my life. Depression is almost too small a word for a melancholy orientation. And that sensitivity is often paired with meaningful insight or greater compassion or more fluid creativity.… But at what cost?
you are not your data. statistics are used for models, best guesses. I could read all of your “data” and not know the truth of you. That’s crumbs at best. It’s the truth you have to cherish. You’re the only one who can take care of your truth, define it, shape it, choose to embrace it. I renounce the hollow details for the rich ocean of an at times unknown beauty.
It’s been 11 years since my ineffective but still deeply upsetting consumption of an excess of OTC sleep aids, an ambulance ride, and the turning point for another many years of shame.
At different times in my life, technology provided me an escape and an education. A little girl at a terminal…
trying to get a handle on me. lots to unravel yet. I just used to like myself. I used to enjoy things in real life and online (which is also in real life, just not the flesh). I used to create. Something happened. What happened? The unhappiness…. that’s been an undercurrent all along. But there was something beautiful once, that I could feel, see. Where did it go? Either way, I’m through outsourcing my consciousness to the big blue beast. It’s boring and ugly and I’m done. I want to feel love again, for myself, for anyone. Less noise will help me listen.